I didn’t really mean to stop writing. But I haven’t posted anything here since July. I actually wrote quite a bit since then, but nothing that struck me as worth publishing. There are 25 posts sitting in draft mode. In November, I wrote a skeleton of a post that said, “This is probably my last post.” I remember what was happening then. I had just discovered that my aunt had died–a year earlier. And a favorite cousin had also died–two years earlier.
I just felt so isolated, so disconnected, because we were spending so much time taking care of my daughter’s medical issues and my wife’s medical issues and even my own that I was just completely out of the loop. I still can’t believe that those two family members died, and I didn’t even know it. It was partly hurt that no one let me know. But mainly that I was that cut off from my own family.
A lot has happened since November. We have mostly weathered a nursing shortage that frequently left us with no one to take care of The Princess. When that happens, it mostly falls on me. Our son helps, but he’s in school, and he has a job. He does what he can, but still there is this fact: she is not his responsibility. She is mine. I still have a high-demand day job that I not only must keep, but that I love. But there were weekends where I went 60 hours with only a total of nine hours of sleep, taking care of The Princess because we had no nurse available. In February, we had a 24% rate of uncovered shifts, which means that out of 58 possible shifts, 14 were not covered.
I ain’t as young as I used to be, and that was aging me fast.
It has gotten better. This month, looking ahead, there are only five shifts that are not covered, and the nursing agency may yet be able to plug some of those holes. I hope so. Plus I’ve actually managed to mostly catch up on sleep. General George Patton once wrote, “Fatigue makes cowards of us all.” I don’t know about that, but I do know that enough of it makes me a zombie.
More interestingly to me: today I actually felt like writing again. I updated the WordPress installation (it was two notches behind), and I also brainstormed an idea for a book proposal and another for submission to a major anthology publisher.
So who knows? Maybe I’m back. In any case, I’ve deleted that “this is my last post” post.