Donn King's Corner

In “It’s a small world after all, part 1,” we talked about how social media connects people in ways that weren’t possible until recently, and focused especially on Twitter. In this post, we continue the conversation.

Through Facebook I have connected more solidly with my friends

Thanks to Facebook, I have reconnected with old friends from high school and college that I haven’t seen for nearly 40 years, and I get to socialize with current friends much more than I otherwise would, since everyone is always on the run and time for “real world” socializing is short. I have also found some folks who share professional interests, but Facebook is mainly about fun and socializing for me.

Though it took me a year to start using it, up until about last October it was the social medium I turned to most. I connect with co-workers here, but more on a “water cooler” level–valuable, but a different sort of thing than the other two services we’re considering here. Read more »

There hasn’t been much activity here the last week or so. In fact, none that you could see. What’s frustrating is that I have four other posts almost ready to go, but I haven’t had time to finish them.

I don’t even have time to develop this thought very far right now, but a) I wanted to share the above graphic with you, which I think is hilarious, and b) I wanted to comment that most people in current society who describe themselves as procrastinators are wrong. They are simply jugglers who are juggling past their skill level. That’s me. As soon as I can either master throwing one more object into the mix, or can put one down, or I drop one and it breaks, I’ll pick this one up again. Soon.

I’ve read a few posts lately mentioning that eye contact is hard for a speaker, even experienced ones. (One place I just saw it is in the very good article “5 Public Speaking Tips that Build Relationships.”) I agree! But I also want to push a little beyond the initial resistance we have to it.

As Dr. Michelle observes, “Making eye contact allows you to connect with your audience.” The emphasis here is on genuine contact. The old saws about picking out a spot on the back wall or looking at their foreheads do not work simply because they don’t establish contact. While the idea of contacting a stranger that intimately seems threatening at first, once you do you’ll discover something very pleasant: there is no such thing as an audience! Read more »

One of the great wonders of the Internet age is the ease with which people of like minds can find one another. When people say they don’t understand Twitter or Facebook or LinkedIn, it just means they haven’t found the “like minds” hook that matters to them yet.

I joined Twitter four years ago, but only really started using it about three or four months ago. I joined Facebook in Jan. 2007, and then went for a year before I posted even read anything. I also joined LinkedIn in 2007–February, to be exact–but went even longer before really using it. It just took awhile to figure out the strengths and weaknesses of each.

Though this blog focuses on effective communication rather than social media, social media is a growing form of communication. If you remain confused why anyone would use these services, or if you ignore any of them because you prefer face-to-face communication, read on. I also prefer face-to-face communication, but these services help form genuine connections and friendships. Read more »

This isn’t directly related to speaking or writing, but it is inspiration from one of the most effective writers of the 20th century. In any case, I hope you’ll enjoy it, and most of the quotes are good encouragement for anyone, especially those who seek to spread a message of some sort. (And for speakers: it’s pronounced “Zoyce,” not “Soos.”)

[Via: 30 Dr. Seuss Quotes to Live By]

When I read the headline of Garr Reynold’s post, Slowing down to appreciate what’s important, I expected to read a Zen-inspired post about leaving extraneous material out of your presentations.

I read something even more important.

Most of my kids are all grown and off on their own now, except for our special needs daughter and our son who graciously stays around to help take care of her. Garr is just beginning with his children, and he has his priorities straight. He’s a world-known expert in presentation design and other communication areas, and his passion for that remains, but I wholeheartedly confirm that he would regret not putting the children first.

It doesn’t much matter if you can communicate effectively unless you have something to communicate about, and significant people to communicate with.

Garr, you don’t know me from any of the other 7 billion people on earth, but congratulations on your newest additon, and commendations on having the good sense to share the toast. Whether in presentations or in life, it really is about focusing on what’s important.

I once had a student who was stuck. She was supposed to speak in a speech round starting on Friday, and she came to me on Wednesday complaining that she couldn’t get started. She had come up with about a minute’s worth of material.

“What are you trying to develop a topic on?” I asked.

“The history of the United States,” she said. Read more »

photo credit: Jacopo AKA Bracco

It amazes me that students sometimes get hoarse just from delivering a five-minute speech. I can talk for hours without affecting my voice by following a simple procedure.

We know just enough biology to cause ourselves problems. People know their vocal cords are in their throats, so they think that you have to do something with the muscles there in order to project more effectively. However, the best thing you can do with your throat is to relax it–get out of the way! Read more »

Photo by Flickr user gerriet

I’ve noticed the last few years that students seem to bring a slightly higher degree of beginning presentation skills into the classroom. I suspect this comes from growing up surrounded by hundreds of cable channels and YouTube.

It has even reached the point where the old saw about public speaking being the number one fear is no longer true. I thought perhaps it was, indeed, a steady trend of increasing confidence. If so, this semester doesn’t fit the trend. In fact, students have generally had more trouble with the second speech round than the first speech round. Read more »

One of the major rules of improv comedy, of which Avish Parashar is an expert, is that whatever your colleagues throw at you, you should say yes to it and develop it. Saying no stops the action. It’s a little harder to see that “yes, but” is just a form of no, but in effect it is.

Say “Yes, And!”: 2 Little Words That Will Transform Your Career, Organization, and Life! lays out the contrast between “yes, but” and “yes, and,” and makes a quick case for the huge difference it makes in attitudinal and practical terms. It then proceeds to develop those insights in great depth and apply them to several areas of life.

An important idea for me out of this book is that we say “Yes, but” so much because it works, in the sense of getting some immediate result. We can miss the downside, though: it stops the scene, the action. It stops development. It stops progress. We say it because we’ve gotten some reinforcement from the immediate results, without ever seeing the long-term results that would have come from “yes, and.”

Plus, “yes, but” is safe. It doesn’t involve risk. On the other hand, “yes, and” is effective. Throughout the book, Avish shows how “yes, and” is more effective, especially in the long run, than “yes, but.”

Also throughout the book, Avish is careful to point out that he is advocating neither mindless agreement, nor becoming a pushover, nor even avoiding “yes, but” altogether. “Yes, and” is a mindset, not a rule. The idea isn’t to turn you into a clone of Jim Carrey in “Yes Man,” but simply to remember to be open. (And, I would add, it enables you to genuinely and warmly say no when you need to, without beating around the bush.)

Avish simply believes “and” is superior, and he suggests three considerations for saying “but.”

1. Say “yes, but” later.
2. Put the positive after the “but.” (Managers are told to start with something positive, mention whatever criticism they have, and then finish with something positive, often called the “criticism sandwich.” Research tends to show it doesn’t work very well. (http://www.openforum.com/idea-hub/topics/the-world/article/the-criticism-sandwich-a-stale-idea-1). What does work, according to Clifford Nass, the Thomas M. Storke Professor at Stanford University, is starting with the negatives, followed by a long list of positives–sort of a criticism deep-dish pizza. Parashar’s principle here, fits that bit of advice.)
3. Use “but” to come up with alternatives–really another way of saying “yes, and.”

In developing his thesis, Avish hits on a topic that is close to my heart: communication. He says good communication is at the heart of success (I would agree), and says, “‘Yes, And’ is the simple tool you can use to increase the quality of your communication and make it as effective as possible.”

I definitely recommend reading this book more than once. Its deceptively simple approach has many nuggets of practical wisdom that you can mine over several readings.

Disclaimer: I received a review copy of this book. That doesn’t matter. I calls ‘em like I sees ‘em, and would say so if I didn’t like it.