Donn King's Corner

(I know that's not Sleeping Beauty. Just don't want to ire Disney lawyers.)

If it were possible to have a conversation with a fairy godmother, I now know exactly what that would be like. Read more »

Experts only by kevin dooley, on Flickr (Creative Commons licensed)

Let me tell you right now that I am an affiliate for the Speaking Expert Teleseminar. But let me also tell you that I paid for it up front because I recognized five out of the seven experts and knew their work to be well worth the price, and I wanted to ensure I got access to every bit of their expertise. Read more »

"Dear God, he's right behind me, isn't he?"

If you have a speaking habit that gets in the way, you can obsess it, or you can fix it.

Vicious dog, aka Tinkerbell

I’ve been fighting a situation in my house for months. I have a chihuahua and two cats. (The picture above isn’t my chihuahua, but she’s very close. The one to the left is my chihuahua.) They don’t like each other. As far as the dog is concerned, the main use for the cats is exercise. The only things on earth that the dog isn’t afraid of are the cats.

Whenever one of the cats ventures near, Tinkerbell nips at it. The cats are always nimble enough to avoid her. One cat, Angel, the classic “fraidy cat” stays as far from the dog as possible. The other older cat, Annie, tolerates the dog, humors her mostly, although she weighs twice what the dog does, and will shred Tinkerbell if she is ever so foolish as to actually push it. Read more »

In “It’s a small world after all, part 1,” we talked about how social media connects people in ways that weren’t possible until recently, and focused especially on Twitter. In this post, we continue the conversation.

Through Facebook I have connected more solidly with my friends

Thanks to Facebook, I have reconnected with old friends from high school and college that I haven’t seen for nearly 40 years, and I get to socialize with current friends much more than I otherwise would, since everyone is always on the run and time for “real world” socializing is short. I have also found some folks who share professional interests, but Facebook is mainly about fun and socializing for me.

Though it took me a year to start using it, up until about last October it was the social medium I turned to most. I connect with co-workers here, but more on a “water cooler” level–valuable, but a different sort of thing than the other two services we’re considering here. Read more »

I’ve read a few posts lately mentioning that eye contact is hard for a speaker, even experienced ones. (One place I just saw it is in the very good article “5 Public Speaking Tips that Build Relationships.”) I agree! But I also want to push a little beyond the initial resistance we have to it.

As Dr. Michelle observes, “Making eye contact allows you to connect with your audience.” The emphasis here is on genuine contact. The old saws about picking out a spot on the back wall or looking at their foreheads do not work simply because they don’t establish contact. While the idea of contacting a stranger that intimately seems threatening at first, once you do you’ll discover something very pleasant: there is no such thing as an audience! Read more »

One of the great wonders of the Internet age is the ease with which people of like minds can find one another. When people say they don’t understand Twitter or Facebook or LinkedIn, it just means they haven’t found the “like minds” hook that matters to them yet.

I joined Twitter four years ago, but only really started using it about three or four months ago. I joined Facebook in Jan. 2007, and then went for a year before I posted even read anything. I also joined LinkedIn in 2007–February, to be exact–but went even longer before really using it. It just took awhile to figure out the strengths and weaknesses of each.

Though this blog focuses on effective communication rather than social media, social media is a growing form of communication. If you remain confused why anyone would use these services, or if you ignore any of them because you prefer face-to-face communication, read on. I also prefer face-to-face communication, but these services help form genuine connections and friendships. Read more »

This isn’t directly related to speaking or writing, but it is inspiration from one of the most effective writers of the 20th century. In any case, I hope you’ll enjoy it, and most of the quotes are good encouragement for anyone, especially those who seek to spread a message of some sort. (And for speakers: it’s pronounced “Zoyce,” not “Soos.”)

[Via: 30 Dr. Seuss Quotes to Live By]

Photo by Flickr user gerriet

I’ve noticed the last few years that students seem to bring a slightly higher degree of beginning presentation skills into the classroom. I suspect this comes from growing up surrounded by hundreds of cable channels and YouTube.

It has even reached the point where the old saw about public speaking being the number one fear is no longer true. I thought perhaps it was, indeed, a steady trend of increasing confidence. If so, this semester doesn’t fit the trend. In fact, students have generally had more trouble with the second speech round than the first speech round. Read more »

Chandra Bahadur Dangi has been named the world's shortest man (photo from TheHotGlove.com).

You may be the greatest in the world at whatever it is you do, but unless that message gets communicated effectively, no one will ever know. Read more »

photo credit: she always was the softest thing

Lisa Petrelli understands building on the strengths of introversion, and she also understands networking. She used her own introversion as the foundation for a successful run to the CEO’s chair and authored The Introvert’s Guide to Success in Business and Leadership. Rather than viewing introversion as a barrier to networking, she found ways to leverage it.

She gives good advice in An Introvert’s Guide to Networking, and I want to give a little tweak to that advice for speakers.

Among her excellent advice is this:

Generally speaking, business events — and particularly networking events that require engaging with groups — are demanding for introverts. An antidote to this, I learned, is to seek out conversations with one individual at a time. When I approach events this way I have more productive conversations and form better business relationships — and I’m less drained by the experience.

I think she’s right about networking events. This is a good place to distinguish between how we use introversion/extroversion in everyday language and how psychologists use the term. Introverted doesn’t mean “shy.” It means someone who gets their energy recharged by being alone with their thoughts, and who prefers to form their thoughts before speaking. Extroverts recharge by getting around other people, and form their thoughts by speaking.

Introverts might conclude from this advice that speaking professionally isn’t a good idea. It seems antithetical to “one individual at a time” and having challenges engaging with groups.

But my experience has been that some of the best speakers are introverted. They (and I, since I’m an introvert myself) are more comfortable on stage presenting a conversation they’ve planned for. The most nerve-wracking part of such events for us introverts is the socializing before and after the speech.

So in addition to Petrelli’s advice (did I mention I think it’s excellent?), I would make these suggestions for introverts who are considering speaking for whatever reason:

1. Go ahead and do it! Introverts experience no more stage fright than do extroverts. In fact, once we get past the stage that is really fear of the unknown, we probably experience less stage fright (although extroverts may be better at channeling the adrenaline into delivery).
2. Take advantage of your introversion to strengthen your speaking. Introverts draw their energy from solitude and the inner world of ideas. Use that to form your ideas into expression and test the expression solidly. You’ll take confidence in your preparation, and your audiences will benefit.
3. Don’t skip the socializing before and after your speech. Those times are really as much a part of your presentation as the stage time. Connect with audience members to help them relate to you and therefore remember your ideas. Have one conversation at a time, though–Petrelli’s networking advice comes into play strongly in this situation as well. Your conversations may be brief, but make each one significant.
4. Get some alone time before and after the event. Introverts can be as social and outgoing as anyone else, but will be exhausted by it. Don’t ignore the audience before or after the event, of course, but carve out a half hour, if you can, to gather your thoughts before joining them, and be sure to allow wind-down time after you’ve shaken that last hand.
5. The solitude that comes with travel and being alone in a hotel room challenges extroverts. Introverted speakers can thrive under these conditions. It’s part of the speaking career anyway–put it to work for you.

Everyone can build on whatever strengths they have without having to try to change their basic nature. Introverts have some tremendous advantages as speakers. It’s just a matter of figuring out how to make use of those advantages.